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On Wednesday, May 10, Dover Sherborn’s Challenge Success Parent Advisory Group hosted a community talk by Dr. Larry Cohen, child psychologist and author of "Playful Parenting." Throughout the evening, Dr. Cohen offered parents practical strategies on connecting and playing with their children to help make them more secure, confident and happy. He explained that children use play to explore the world, to connect with people they care about, to work through stressful situations, and to let off steam. Dr. Cohen encouraged parents to use the power of play to connect with kids in their own world, and use it as a powerful parenting tool for dealing with everything from setting limits, to sibling rivalry, to building confidence.
Dr. Cohen spoke to the value of play in helping children process their experiences, giving them a sense of power and autonomy and fostering trust and connection between them and their parents. Connection helps parents and kids bring down the tension and allows for increased learning and problem solving. “Connect and then Direct” is a phrase that Cohen likes to use when working with children. The two-way communication and the sharing of enthusiasm is a very effective way to reach children.
Most often, when kids misbehave, they are often looking for connection. Cohen encouraged parents to try to use humor and create games to get kids to cooperate - instead of having huge battles. When homework time gets stressful, Cohen suggested a frustration break, together with one's child, to release the tension and let off steam.
During the Q&A, a parent asked about the value of video game play and for ideas on setting limits. Dr. Cohen asked parents to think about three key questions about their child’s video gaming: 1) Is there social engagement; 2) Are they able to do other things; and 3) Is it causing terrible stress at home? His approach for parents was to start by connecting with their children and to have a two-way conversation about the games. Parents were encouraged to listen to their kids point of view and include the kids in making the house policies on video games and any other limits. Connection is important, especially when setting limits with children; Dr. Cohen recommends keeping things lighthearted without any anger and harshness.
Connections between siblings were cited as a challenge for parents in the audience. Cohen’s strategy when kids fight too much is to ask them if they like it (many do to a point). To change the dynamics, Dr. Cohen suggested parents become the common enemy in play, as kids will work together to defeat them. Parents were also encouraged to arrange regular one-on-one time with each sibling to do whatever that child wants to do.
This program was part of the DS Challenge Success Parent Education series. Dover Sherborn Challenge Success is generously funded through DSEF and private donors. For more information about Challenge Success, contact Pam Kading Webb, Challenge Success Team Parent Coordinator for Dover-Sherborn, at pskwebb@comcast.net. Members of the community are also invited to visit the Challenge Success National website (www.challengesuccess.org) and to follow them on Facebook and Twitter.
