By Cameron Small
Hometown Weekly Correspondent
What exactly is love? If you ask a hundred people, you get a hundred and twelve different answers.
Four-year-olds say it’s their parents, or “trucks and trains.”
College students will say “A subjective, over-inflated word we’ve created for intensely liking something,” or “an example of unconditional happiness you experience when close to someone.”
Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary says love is a “a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties …(2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers … (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests … b : an assurance of affection….” before going on to list another eight definitions.
So what it boils down to is that no one really knows what love is. For the most part, people just know they want it. The question then becomes a two-part question. One: how do you find it? And two: what will make it last the test of time? We can’t tell you what love is or should be, but we can show you the love that’s stood the test of time in our communities.
Meeting
The first thing, if you want lasting love, is to meet the person. Sometimes, first impressions matter. Take, for example, Pierre and Virginia (who goes by Ginny) Laurent of Wellesley. They met on a blind date in New Bedford. Ginny remembers going home that night and telling her friend: “That’s the man I’m going to marry.” They’ve been married since 1958.
Westwood’s George and Virginia Lester also met through a blind date. George’s cousin was dating Virginia’s brother, and they met at a family get together. Yet, despite the connection, it took some time for them to get together. Virginia said, “It took us six years to get together. I was in college, he was just out of college. We wrote letters a lot. I think we knew we were destined. We just had to figure it out.” They did eventually figure it out, since they have been married since 1956.
Other times, however, first impressions aren’t always the best. Take, for example, Needham’s Carol and Edward DeLemos. Carol and Ed met through a carpool to Fitchburg for their respective jobs. As Ed says, “Our first encounter was driving her to the house she was renting. And I rang the bell and said ‘I don’t get paid to wait for you.’”
Carol continued their story, saying “I knew someone was coming, but I didn’t know his name. When he greeted me that way, I thought ‘Oh, who’s this jerk.’ It was a real turn-off.” Ed made up for it eventually, however, as they’ve been married since 1963.
Wellesley’s John and Edwina (Dwin) Schuler further illustrate why initial opinions can sometimes be misleading. John and Dwin met in 1952. At first, John didn’t think it would work out. He supported Illinois Governor Adlai Stevenson (a Democrat), and Dwin was in the Young Republicans Club. John reported thinking that they “wouldn’t do any good for the other. Turns out first impressions should be replaced with other impressions.” John and Dwin have been married since 1954.
Lasting
Once passing the hard and difficult part of actually meeting “the one,” you’ve got to know what’ll make it last. For the humorists out there, good news: most couples agree that you’ve got to have a sense of humor. Maybe not “knock-knock” joke humor, but something sophisticated. Maybe something a little dark or sarcastic.
“I can tell you if Pierre beat me, he would’ve been out of here,” Ginny Laurent playfully laughed.
Her husband, Pierre, immediately followed that with: “I can tell you if Ginny beat ME, I wouldn’t have been happy.”
Ed and Carol DeLemos also said a sense of humor was an important aspect of making a marriage work. Ed was also quick on the draw to add that blissful unions required “patience and tolerance.”
Carol added that, “You learn that there are those small annoyances you have to get over.”
Humor, patience and tolerance aren’t everything, though. Virginia Lester says “[a marriage] takes commitment to the institution of marriage, and to each other.”
George Lester added that it “Takes respect for each other and each other’s desires and shortcomings and respect for the other person as to what they like or don’t like.”
Virginia continued, saying it was important to “Recogniz[e] the other’s hopes and dreams, too, and where they want their life to go. Certain values…[like] being kind, being respectful, being humble. Everybody needs to stop every now and again and think about what’s important.”
John Schuler had quite a bit to say about what makes a marriage last. “For a lasting relationship,” he said, “you need to diminish the idea of being the major authority. Emphasize collaboration that emphasizes what each person want. It’s pretty clear in a lot of marriages that one party attempts to dominate, and that may be sort of a root to a lasting relationship, if one person is willing to be submissive. But if you want a partnership in marriage, I think it’s important that both parties make an attempt to recognize the rights of the other person.”
While humor is important to Pierre and Ginny, it’s not the only key to keeping them together. Ginny says that their “secret” to being married so long is, “That we love each other. Always have. We’re committed to each other; not because we made a promise, but because we like each other’s company.”
Recognizing the other’s differences is important too. Virginia Lester said part of marriage is “Understanding how the other person thinks. I like music and art and things like that and George likes straight lines and boxes.” She went on to explain that George was an electrical engineer.
Conclusion
So what about marriage?
“It’s a good way to spend a life. Right, Pierre?” Ginny asked.
“Yeah. Try it. If it doesn’t work, you can get divorced,” Pierre answered.
What makes love last? It seems like the clichés are true: understanding and patience, compromise and getting over the inconsequential things. And of course, there’s the big one of actually loving and caring for the other person.
At the end of the interview, Ginny wanted to close “With saying that my husband is a wonderful man, and I recognized that when I met him.”
