Psychologist/author Brooks speaks in DS

On January 26, several hundred community members attended a talk hosted by Dover Sherborn’s Challenge Success Parent Advisory Group. The speaker, Dr. Robert Brooks, is a well-known psychologist, author of 16 books and long-time Needham resident. His life’s passion has been studying what gives people the ability to cope better with stress and pressure, and as part of this presentation, he offered tips on raising hopeful and resilient children and teens.

Dr. Brooks believes the most important factor for developing resilient children is having at least one adult person in their life who truly believes in them and supports them - and from whom they gather strength. This mentor must (1) not minimize the child’s difficulty but be empathetic, (2) identify and reinforce the child’s strengths, and (3) accept the child for who they are, not who they wish them to be.

Dr. Brooks counseled the audience to provide children and teens with opportunities to help others as a way to teach responsibility and compassion. He suggested that families participate in charitable activities together and for parents to be positive role models in their community. Dr. Brooks also asked parents to model how to turn setbacks into teachable moments - a key skill for resiliency in life.

Parents were encouraged to understand and take into account their child’s in-born temperament. He said that every child has “islands of competence,” and that it is important for parents to honor their strengths. A poignant question to ask oneself might be: “Is my child stronger today due to things I’ve said or done?”

Dr. Brooks cautioned the audience to beware of using negative scripts with their children that often become automatic. For example, asking children about homework completion every day can be interpreted by a child as a parent’s lack of confidence in them. He also reminded parents to not just focus on grades but to see other areas where the child is doing well.

While one can’t predict the challenges that children will face day in and day out, Dr. Brooks’ message was that parents can help them become more hopeful and optimistic problem-solvers.

For more insights and Dr. Brooks’ monthly blog, visit drrobertbrooks.com. For more information about Challenge Success, contact Pam Kading Webb, Challenge Success Team Parent Coordinator for Dover-Sherborn, at pskwebb@comcast.net. Parents are also invited to check out the Challenge Success National website (www.challengesuccess.org) and to follow them on Facebook and Twitter.